He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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