Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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