Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
