In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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