So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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