I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
