Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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