Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
