Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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