her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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