Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Four minutes until I can fart!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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