I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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