Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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