Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
