I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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