walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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