you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
