I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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