i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
