I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
