My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
