Cold hands, warm shart.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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