the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
