I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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