you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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