You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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