Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
