help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize