Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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