I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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