yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
