he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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