Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
