i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize