I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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