I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
