I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
