Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I smell stomach acid.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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