Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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