why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
