Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
