remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
