he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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