you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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