I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
