I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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