If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize