Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
