Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
