So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
