were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
