I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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