Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
