OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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