you would pick up someone in the library
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
