My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
