Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
