It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish you could order shots online.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
