You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
