we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No I am not eating basil off your cock
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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