Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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