You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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