wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
