I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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