you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
