he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
