Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
