Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize