Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
