I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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