Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
