I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
