What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
