you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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