It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
