Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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